Santa Claus: Hero or Hellspawn?

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Everyone knows the legend of Santa Claus, right? A jolly little fat man in a red and white suit gathers up a bag full of toys and loads them into his sleigh where he and his eight magical reindeer fly off into the night and deliver the toys to the children of the world on Christmas eve, then fly back to Santa's workshop at the North Pole where his elves help him prepare again for next year all before the rising of the sun. Sounds like a great thing, huh? A harmless tale told time and time again of a man who does nothing but bring joy to the world, right? Wrong! Santa Claus may seem to be the ideal spirit of Christmas but he is in fact the very embodiment of all that is unholy. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing who has been sent from the fiery pits of hell to devour our souls! Doubt me, do you? Yes, I see you do. I don't blame you. After all, the legend of Santa Claus as a loving, caring individual has been around for hundreds of years, passed down from generation to generation for as long as any one of us can remember. But unfortunately, this tradition of passing the tale down from parent to child has merely been a vessel for the seed of evil to pass in; to hide amongst us as a Trojan horse in the guise of a jolly fat man! You see, we have been but blind sheep, lead by our parents who were lead by theirs, into believing that he is good! But he is not! I see you need proof. Very well, then it is proof I shall give you! Santa Claus does not, as one might believe, help promote the celebrating of the birth of Christ. No, in fact he does quite the opposite. Santa commercializes Christmas by giving away presents. He makes us greedy. We come to expect the presents, and soon that is all we think about. When Christmas time comes near, do you think of what prayer you will recite, or do you think of what gift you want? Do you spend some time with your family, each of you quietly celebrating the birth of Christ, or do you noisily rip into the presents under the tree? Most of you would probably answer in favor of the latter. And why? Because of Santa Claus. But this is not my only evidence of Kriss Kringle's crimes against Christmas! No! It is but the tip of the iceberg. Santa also tries to destroy this beloved holiday by not giving us presents. Haven't you ever written to Santa, asking for that one special gift, but come Christmas morning it is nowhere to be found? This is because he waits until we are hooked; he gives us gifts until we come to expect them as a right, then he dashes our hopes by not giving us what we really want. You see, when we do not get that one special gift it causes such sorrow and hatred that we begin to despise Christmas. We hate the day that reminds us of our disappointment. And so we stop celebrating Christmas altogether. And when he does give us our gifts, does he do it for nothing? No! We are forced to pay him a tribute of milk and cookies or suffer having a Christmas with a disappointed family! Not only do Santa's actions show him as being one of evil, but his very appearance and origins do as well. His name, "Santa Claus", when you rearrange a few letters, spells Satan Claus, or the claws of Satan! His very name shows him to be the Devil's right hand man! And the suit that Santa wears also betrays him as being a servant of the unholy one; all red like the fires of hell with white trimming where you would find the bone white horns of a demon. Early on, Santa was called Saint Nicholas, and from the 5th to 15th centuries he was regarded as the patron saint of thieves! What else could you expect from a man who breaks into houses in the middle of the night? He was said to ride through the sky on a horse, much like one of the fabled Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He impersonated people of the cloth by traveling the country in bishop's robes, and often was seen in the companionship of an elf known as Black Peter, who would whip naughty children. Perhaps you are thinking, "Well, he couldn't have been all that bad, if he was known as Saint Nicholas, right?" Wrong again. The name Nicholas, or Nick, means to cut, meaning Saint Nicholas was cut from saintdom! How about Santa's other alias, Kriss Kringle. A Kriss is a sword with a wavy, double edged blade, meaning that while Santa pretends to be a tool that you can use to fight the devil, he will actually cut you on the backswing. And how about Santa's so-called helpers, the elves? Small, pointy eared men who can build things unnaturally fast? Sound like demons in disguise to me. Or what of the flying reindeer? Santa's familiars? Just look at their names: Dasher, meaning to be damned. Dancer, meaning to engage in or perform. Engage in or perform what? Acts of evil, no doubt. Donder, which means to assume or take on a role, like acting to be a

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